Black Belt Testing - What the Heck am I Doing?!

It’s the end of September. In a little more than one week, I’ll be testing for a Kukkiwon black belt in taekwondo. To say I’m apprehensive is an understatement.

Like seriously, how did I get here?!

I am fully aware that every martial arts studio and program has its own testing methods; no two are alike. Even within taekwondo studios, every studio does its belt ranking differently.

My oldest son, T started taekwondo when he was three. He has always been naturally agile when it comes to physical activity, so he took to taekwondo quickly. The discipline has been great for his ADHD brain and he competed in his first sparring tournament when he was six. He’s been training for eight years and he will be testing for his black belt with me next week.

His instructor, Master Amely, goaded me into attending a “Mom’s Class” one morning when T was almost four. She assured me that I would have fun and I really did. The class kicked my butt and I was unbelievably sore for days afterward. A week later, when it was time to go to the next class, I found out I was pregnant with my youngest son after more than two years of unexplained infertility. I was already feeling fatigue and I didn’t have it in me to attend another class. Master Amely seemed to understand and didn’t push. She also seemed to think she cured my infertility. Maybe??

My youngest son, M started attending classes at 22 months old. His first word was “ay-ya!” and he competed in his first sparring tournament when he was only four. Now, at age seven he takes it very seriously and joined the Extreme Team this year where he gets to learn extra tricking, board breaking, tumbling, and performs choreographed routines at belt graduations and events.

M was four years old before I had the courage and could scrape together enough confidence to attend a taekwondo class again. I was approaching my 40th birthday and struggling with serious body-image issues. Around the time M turned two, I gained about forty pounds and I still don’t know why. I’m fairly certain hormones are to blame, but it was tremendously frustrating to get used to my body at 2-3 sizes bigger than what has always been normal for me. Even after three years of taekwondo training, I am still working on getting used to it.

I’ve watched bits and pieces of the black belt test in years past. It’s two days long. It looks exhausting both physically and mentally. I’ve seen candidates fail who were younger and more fit than me. There are physical challenges that I know will push me past the boundaries of my abilities. There’s a grueling physical fitness test, a written test, a Poomsae test, a sparring test, self defense (5 vs 1), a 5k run, and we have to create and execute a board breaking routine. We have to assist in teaching classes for 80 hours and do 20 hours of community service. We have to get letters of recommendation from teachers and parents (for those under 18). We have to write eight different essays beforehand and we have to create a 1-minute video with photos and voiceover talking about our black belt journey.

There’s a reason they only have black belt testing once or twice a year.

My body is so tired and my brain is fried. My left hip and IT band are giving me issues and there’s a spot behind my right knee that aches. I have almost-constant foot pain and my neck and shoulders are screaming to take a break from holding up my boobs. To be honest, I have had more and more thoughts about quitting this week than ever.

But this close and I know I can’t quit. I need to do this both for my kids and for myself. I need to be able to show them how practice, patience, and hard work can pay off and that even at my age, I can do things that are both physically and mentally challenging. 

I stuck with taekwondo because I loved the workouts. I never had any intention of belt testing or even considering a black belt. I finally did my first color belt test just to show my kids that I could.

As I earned higher belts and the curriculum got more challenging, I realized that I needed to do this for myself as well. Making my family and friends proud is one thing, but I need to be proud of myself. I have never set a goal quite like this before. I spent most of my 30s caring for my kids and never really making time to take care of myself; both mentally and physically.  A large part of me is hoping that reaching this massive goal will help boost my confidence and body image. I have struggled with accepting my body since pregnancies resulted in drastic changes. Perhaps this accomplishment can help me love and accept the body I am in. If anything, I will be proud of all of my hard work and how it all has paid off.

Traveling: Asian Vacation with Our 3-Year-Old

I wrote this in the spring of 2013 when I ran a parenting blog. My kids are much older now, but when the blog went away, I wanted to save a handful of the posts I’d written. This is one of them:

Who says that once you have kids, you can’t travel anymore? In October of 2012, my husband and I spent two and a half weeks in Hong Kong, Macau and Hainan, China with our three year old son, TJ.

Even though we were experienced travelers at the time, I was still a little worried about how our 3 year-old would handle the lengthy flights. Up until this trip, the longest flight he’d ever been on was only six hours.

Just getting to Asia was an adventure in itself as we flew on employee benefits, so that meant flying standby:

• Salt Lake City to San Francisco

• Overnight in San Francisco with family

• San Francisco to Seattle

• Seattle to Narita, Japan

• Overnight in Narita

• Narita to Hong Kong

• Hydrofoil ferry to Macau

TJ took the multiple flights in stride playing with his toys, taking naps when needed, playing an occasional game of Angry Birds on the iPad, and enjoying the in-flight entertainment. This trip got him hooked on the show Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.

In between flights, we made sure to find a place in the airport or ferry terminal where TJ could run around and my husband and I took turns playing and chasing after him. Both of us made a point to let him get his wiggles out whenever possible. We taught him how to say thank you in both Japanese and Cantonese and he often said the wrong one, which was adorable to everyone.

If we were in a very crowded space, my husband and I took turns wearing TJ on our backs in our Beco Carrier. It gave us a tremendous sense of security in a foreign place.

We also tried to encourage some excitement about each of the flights explaining to TJ that we were flying on a Boeing 777 or an Airbus A330; his first times flying on those “grown-up airplanes.”

Once it was time to head home, we flew non-stop from Hong Kong to San Francisco. That was the longest flight TJ had ever been on at twelve hours long (me too!), and it wasn’t easy as we were stuck in middle seats with my husband sitting in front of us.

TJ managed to take a two and a half hour nap and then a second nap near the end that was about an hour long. When we wanted to get up and walk around, turbulence would pick up and we had to stay in our seats. Since I can’t sleep sitting up, I didn’t get any sleep and managed to watch four movies. In all honesty, I think that flight was harder on me than it was on TJ.

One thing that really helped with the long flight was that TJ got a new toy or a treat every couple of hours. We bought a couple of very small toys at a gift shop in Hong Kong and he got to open a new toy if he had been behaving for a few hours. He got a new garbage truck, a construction vehicle and a fire truck along with a couple of chocolate coins from See’s Candies that we had brought with us. TJ didn’t know how many toys we had bought, only that if he started getting really bored and fidgety or cranky, Daddy would pop his head over the seat and say, “Are you ready for a surprise?”

Overall, it was an amazing trip. I adored watching TJ play with his cousins even though they couldn’t speak each other’s languages. Both my husband and I enjoyed tasting and eating some amazing food with TJ. My boy adores fish, and it’s quite abundant in southern China. The three of us swam in the warm waters of the South China Sea, we got to pick out our dinner from a fisherman’s catch of the day, we hiked through a tropical rainforest, we walked around Victoria Peak, we rode the ferry across Hong Kong Harbor at night and saw an amazing skyline and we got to meet countless aunts, uncles, cousins and relatives whom I still haven’t figured out their relation to TJ. Everyone was warm, friendly and they really made our trip the best it could be.

Playing in the South China Sea in Hainan

This trip occurred just after TJ turned three, and I know that many of us can remember some bits of our lives when we were that young. I know I do. It is my sincere hope that TJ remembers at least some of this trip.

To end here are some additional tips that worked, and lessons we learned from this trip that can hopefully help parents with the notion that once you have a child, international travel is still possible… contrary to what you may have believed or been told.

• Bring whatever lovey, blanket, beloved stuffed animal, or pacifier if necessary to help your child sleep. We had been working on weaning TJ from his paci at bedtime and naptime, but we totally relaxed the rules while on this trip. He was still only allowed to have his paci if he was going to sleep, but we were a little more lax about it on the airplanes.

• Bring some snacks for your child that you know he or she will eat. Because of the disruption and confusion with meal times and nap times, TJ wasn’t all that interested in any of the in-flight meals that were provided. He was more interested in playing with the spoon and fork like drumsticks when it was dinnertime on the plane. Luckily we brought some fruit strips, fruit and veggie pouches, crackers, granola bars, and some fresh fruit with us so he could eat when he was hungry.

• If you are sightseeing, be conscious of your child and their need to have some plain old playtime. A couple of days into our trip, TJ was cranky, whiny and easily frustrated despite having a great night’s sleep. We realized that we had been shuttling him from house to house and attraction to attraction, he hadn’t had more than a few minutes each day to simply play. Once we were able to let him have an hour or two at a local playground, it let his mind and body reset and he was a happy boy again. Because there was so much we wanted to do, and so many people we wanted to visit, we made sure to schedule some play time every day or every other day depending on how TJ was doing.

Backpacking: American Fork Canyon, Silver Lake

I backpacked for the first time when I was about 18 in northern California and I didn’t go backpacking again until last month; so 24 years later. My oldest son was quite literally hooked on fishing a few years ago thanks to YouTube and he wanted to add backpacking to his repertoire and try some fishing in more remote lakes. He really wanted to hit up the Uinta Mountain Wilderness, but I didn’t want to go quite that far from home for his first trip. There are a few affiliate links in this post. Shopping through them earns me a few cents and it helps me pay for this outdoor stuff with my kids, thanks!

If you would have asked me to go backpacking about 10 years ago, I would have told you I was too old for it… seriously. Why is it different in my 40s? Maybe because I have a kid who shows enthusiasm for it and I want to share it with him? Maybe because I’m in better shape physically now than I was in my 30s? I dunno yet. I’ll go on a few more trips and see if I can figure it out.

I did a little research on fun places to backpack along the Wasatch Front and reached out to a few friends who are frequent backpackers and got a good list of recommendations. We settled on a one-night trek up to Silver Lake in American Fork Canyon, which was a little less than an hour from home.

On the off chance that we did this one trip and we both HATED backpacking, I tried to buy gear as cheaply as possible. I bought a used REI Tarn 65L kid’s pack from a friend and I bought myself a Kelty Redwing 50L pack on clearance. My mom gifted me a 2-person backpacking tent for my birthday and we started to figure out what else we were going to need.

My son watched a bunch of backpacking videos on YouTube and declared that we needed a $180 backpacking stove, so I bought the MSR Pocket Rocket for $45 from Scheels. He wanted $200 trekking poles too, so he got a broken pair from Cascade Mountain Tech that we got at Costco a few years ago. They are duct taped to his perfect length. Through a discount from a friend, I ordered two Klymit insulated sleeping pads because I’m an utter wimp if I have to sleep in cold weather. Through that same discount, I splurged on a men’s Nemo down sleeping bag for myself because I’m a side-sleeper and larger then your average hiker. I hate mummy bags and most women’s sleeping bags are too small for me. I found a kid’s backpacking sleeping bag for my son from the REI Garage. We already had good hiking boots and trekking poles for me. We did some research on a recommended water filter and settled on the Sawyer Mini along with a couple of Camelbak Chute water bottles that we already had.

We went midweek to avoids crowds and wanted to leave in the morning, but we didn’t get there until lunchtime. It was hot too. AllTrails said it was 4.7 miles roundtrip, but my Apple Watch clocked us at a smidge under 3 miles one-way. The first half of the hike was in the shade in a beautiful aspen forest. Then the trail opened up to a few switchbacks and panoramic views of the canyon and Mt Timpanogos in the distance. Thankfully, we were warned that the last half-mile to the lake would very steep and rocky; kinda like a stair climber. That was definitely the hardest part, but overall, it was a really beautiful hike.

Hiking with a heavy pack isn’t all that different than hiking with a toddler on my back, so for me, it wasn’t a difficult thing for my body to remember. My son had never hiked with a heavy pack before, and with my pack only holding 50L, it was a challenge to fit everything we wanted to bring and not have his pack be too heavy for his skinny frame. I knew the “rule” was to make sure your pack wasn’t more than 20% of your body weight. That was only about 15 pounds for my son. UGH!

We made it up there and it was beautiful. We found a campsite right away and my son immediately broke out his fly rod and went fishing while I set up our tent.

Our campsite. We were under a fire ban at the time, so we dismantled the rock fire ring that some previous visitors created. Those trees would’ve easily held a hammock, gotta consider bringing one next time.

We had Heather’s Choice Sockeye Salmon Chowder for dinner. We followed the instructions exactly and it was terrible. The flavor was good, but it had a gritty texture that was awful and neither of us could manage more than a few bites. Instead we cooked the lasagne from Mountain House and it was delicious.

After dinner my kiddo did some more fishing, but the wind picked up a little bit and there were no bites. The sun set on the high mountains and there was a gentle breeze. We packed away all of our food and toiletries that have a smell and put them in a waterproof bag and strung them high up in a tree. It only took us like six or seven tries to get it up there, hahahahah!

I never sleep well on the first night of a camping trip, so I tossed and turned, even though I was physically tired. We were close enough to the creek to hear it’s trickling, but I end up wide awake any time I hear what might be an animal. I do really well in a noisy forest with great ambient noise. My son crashed hard and slept through the night. I wonder if it would be worth it to bring a battery-powered white noise machine for me?

In the morning it was a little chilly, but not freezing. My son cooked our breakfast on his own; I was so proud of him wanting to learn how to use the backpacking stove by himself. We had the Breakfast Skillet from Mountain House; which we’ve had before. It’s fantastic.

He fished for a little while and I packed up our tent. We hit the trail just before lunchtime and started to make our way back down the mountain.

I was booking it pretty well, but my son really struggled heading downhill. His pack rubbed on his bony hips and he took a lot more breaks than I expected.

We stopped at a McDonald’s in Lehi for some lunch (his choice) and discussed backpacking overall and whether he wanted to do it again. I was happy to hear him excited to go on more trips.

Lessons Learned:

• I need a larger pack, at least 60 or 70 liters. Maybe I’ll sell my Kelty and get something else, but to be able to fit everything we wanted to bring, I needed more space. I will never be a UL backpacker, and I’m okay with that.

• The Sawyer Mini water filter worked well, but the flow was pretty slow. The pouch was also tough to fill up unless we filled it at some kind of waterfall or fast creek. It would have been really tough to fill if we’d only had the lake. Research other options.

• Research different options for keeping our site bear-safe. Maybe a bear canister instead of hanging our food? It was kind of a pain in the butt.

• I brought a little 3-legged stool and I’m SO glad I did. I really loved being able to sit down on something that wasn’t the ground. Research more lightweight chair options.

• Bring a larger portable battery so I can keep my iPhone and watch charged. I liked being able to clock our distance on my watch. The little battery pack I had didn’t last long enough.

• Figure out some padding or something to help prevent rubbing on my son’s hips with his backpack.

• Pack more snacks and get different ones that we usually bring camping. We had a whole bag of snacks that neither of us felt like eating.

• Pack Ibuprofen. I had a headache at bedtime, blech!

Our Gear:

• REI Tarn 65 Kids Backpacking Pack (an older model)

• Kelty Redwing 50L Backpacking Pack

• Kelty Dirt Motel 2 Tent

• Klymit Insulated Sleeping Mats (mine is XL, his is regular)

• Nemo Men’s Disco Down Sleeping Bag

• Eureka Cypress Kid’s Mummy Bag (an old model found on REI Garage)

• Cascade Mountain Tech Trekking Poles

• Black Diamond Trekking Poles

• Merrell Moab Kid’s Waterproof Hiking Boots

• Ahnu Montara Hiking Boots

• MSR Pocket Rocket Backpacking Stove & Fuel

• Sawyer Mini Water Filter

• String Lights (for inside the tent)

• Sunday Afternoons Trucker Hats

• Shred Dog Insulator Jacket

• L.L. Bean Stowaway Women’s Puffy Jacket

• Piscifun Graphic Fly Fishing Rod

Tommy's Lemonade Stand

My oldest son had a school project to create a business plan for a lemonade stand. As a 4th grade class, they read The Lemonade War together; it’s about two 4th graders who battle each other with their own lemonade stands. After it was finished they had to learn what it would take to start a business. They researched what supplies would be needed and price the cost of lemons, sugar, and whatever else they wanted to sell at their stand. They researched the cost differences between making lemonade from scratch versus buying a powdered mix and had to figure out what to charge. They had to compare pricing of those supplies between different stores. They researched different ways to advertise and include those costs. They had to make some examples of advertising too (flyers, business cards, social media ads, etc.).

Because this project was assigned while distance learning, his teacher made it optional for kids to actually have a lemonade stand. Quarantine restrictions were loosened a lot last month for us, so my son asked if we could actually do it. Knowing I would be doing a lot of the work, I begrudgingly agreed.

Tommy, foodie that he is, wanted to do scratch-made lemonade, and we used a recipe from Chef Freyka; the chef who taught a cooking class he attended last year at Harmon’s. He wanted to offer add-ons like iced tea to make Arnold Palmers and strawberries for strawberry lemonade.

Lastly, he REALLY wanted to make Brazilian Limeade; a drink that we all love. You can usually order it from Brazilian Steakhouses like Fogo de Chão or Rodizio Grill. This is a link to the recipe we followed. Essentially, 3 whole limes quartered, 1 cup of sugar, 1 can of sweetened condensed milk, 1 quart of water. Pulse in a blender for about 10 seconds and then immediately pour through a fine sieve. Pour over ice and enjoy. It’s very refreshing. At some point this summer I’m going to have to see how tasty it is with a shot of rum. Blendtec FTW!

From Costco we bought ten pounds each of lemons and limes, plus a 4lb package of strawberries and 20lbs of ice. From Sam’s Club we bought two 2-gallon beverage containers with a spigot (something I had wanted to buy already). We bought four cans of sweetened condensed milk and a 4lb bag of sugar from Walmart.

The last thing we needed to figure out was a juicer. We had a small, manual citrus juicer, but that was going to be exhausting to juice 20 pounds of fruit. KitchenAid makes a citrus juicer attachment that fits their mixers, but I really didn’t want to spend $30-$35 on one not knowing how often we’d use it. It’s great for when you need to juice 50 lemons, but not needed when you only need to juice a few.

Then we got lucky. While looking through small appliances at a Walmart, Tommy spotted the KitchenAid juicer on a high shelf. He scanned it and discovered it was only $5. I thought for sure it would be a mistake, but it wasn’t. Score!

We already had a 10’ canopy, a folding table, a table cloth, and chairs, and we already had a Costco-sized package of Solo cups. I graciously contributed my graphic design skills to help create a couple of signs, which we shared on social media. I forgot to get a photo, but Tommy drew on a large piece of foam board and it was staked into the ground at the end of our street.

It turned out to be a really fun day. Tommy sold out of lemonade after about three hours and we almost sold out of Brazilian limeade too. Neighbors and friends stopped by, even Tommy’s teacher was able come for a quick visit. A few friends and family who don’t live local sent money through Venmo too.

After we figured the cost of fruit, ice, the juicer, sugar, and cups, he still ended up making a profit. I included the juicer and cups because he wants to do this lemonade stand a few more times this summer and those are items he won’t have to buy again and I wouldn’t have purchased them otherwise. So the next time he does this, his expenses should be less.

Of course, we also talked about expenses that he didn’t have to pay for this time like furniture, insurance, federal and state taxes, rental fees for the space, actually paying Mom her graphic design fees and he learned a little bit about what it takes to build a business.

DIY Bookmark

We're all going through such a unique time in our history and we're all doing our best to stay sane and safe. One thing my family has really ramped up while in quarantine is reading. My kids are spending more time reading (sometimes with a fight, sometimes without), and so have I. Even if that means I set up hammocks in the backyard to ensure extreme reading comfort when the weather is beautiful.

Please enjoy this printable DIY bookmark that I created for you and your kids. I designed it for the parenting website I co-founded that’s currently going through a redesign. I will share it there once I have it back up and running.

Most big kids will be able to do this by themselves. Younger kids may need a little help. My 10yo could do it all on his own, my 6yo needed a little help cutting out the teeth. Feel free to share on Instagram and tag me, @alextebowdesigns and also tell me what your favorite book is or what you’re currently reading.

Supplies needed:

• A printer

• Paper or card stock

• Scissors

• Glue stick

• Favorite book

Step 1: Download and print the page with a color printer. Your bookmark will probably last longer if you can print on card stock, but use what you have. Photo paper will work too. Download the file here.

My 6yo and his smirk, hahahah

Step 2: Cut out a bookmark with scissors. My 6yo was able to cut this out by himself with a little help needed to cut out the teeth. 

Step 3: On one bookmark, fold the teeth triangle to the square’s center. Then fold the eyes triangle to the square’s center. 

Step 4:  Apply glue to the back of the eyes triangle and place it back over the teeth triangle. Let the glue dry. A simple glue stick worked great. Some white glue may take a longer to dry.

Step 5: Find a comfy place to sit with your favorite book and use your bookmark to save your spot. Or go sit in a book corner with your book corner! 

Feel free to share on Instagram and tag me @alextebowdesigns and tell me what your favorite book is right now. My 6yo says that Everyone Loves Bacon by Kelly DiPucchio is his current favorite. My 10.5yo’s favorite book right now is Major Impossible by Nathan Hale. I’m currently rereading The Dresden Files by Jim Butcher in anticipation of TWO new books coming out this summer.

What are you currently reading?

Thankfulness and Quarantine

We hit the 6 week mark since our schools closed and they will remain closed through the rest of the school year. This makes me sad because my boys have really awesome teachers this year and this was the first school year where I was actually able to volunteer more in their classes. But I understand and I’m not complaining, just sad. I can only hope that the hot summer climate and folks continuing to maintain social distance will allow us to go back to school in August and not have to start a new school year virtually.

I know that we are tremendously lucky in that my husband still has a job and I am able to continue to do freelance work from home. I’m grateful that I am able to be home to help my kids figure out online schooling and that I never got rid of my old MacBookPro, so both of my kids can have their own designated school space. I’m grateful for Google Classroom and for our amazing teachers and how they have moved curriculum online almost seamlessly.

I’m thankful that I don’t typically struggle with anxiety when the world isn’t dealing with a pandemic, but I have am definitely having my moments with what’s going on in the world. I have a harder time falling asleep at night and when I do, I dream of things happening to me and my family that I cannot control. I dream of swimming in a lake only to have it suddenly turn into an ocean and waves are coming over my head. I dream of hiking in the mountains and rocks are falling from above us or winds are threatening to blow my kids off the trails. Why is it that in my dreams, it’s Mother Nature who’s out to get us??

Local fishing pond. It hasn’t yet been stocked this spring, so it’s been nearly empty!

We are chugging along, figuring out a new sense of normalcy in this utterly unique time we’re experiencing. Yes, there have been pandemics in the past, but this is the first in this day of instant access to news and social media. I think sometimes it’s a tremendous help. Other times it’s a hinderance. I have had to make a point to stay off of Facebook more than a few days these past weeks just to give my mind and stress levels time to settle.

Here are a few more things I’m thankful for:

· Bicycles - My 6yo got a mountain bike for his birthday so now we can do bikes rides together. We’ve been exploring paved bike paths and trails and getting some exercise that doesn’t involve whining from my kids.

· Watercolors - I’m not sure why, but I’ve been so much more inspired to paint these last couple of months. And thanks to technology, a clip to hold my iPhone, and my son’s encouragement to create a YouTube channel, I have done a couple of time lapse videos of new paintings. I have more in the works (in my head), so stay tuned! I want to make a bunch of picturesque spots on Utah’s BLM and public lands, so that’s been my current research.

· Virtual Taekwondo Classes - We’ve been a taekwondo family for years. My oldest started when he was three (he’s now ten) and my youngest started just a couple months shy of his 2nd birthday. Then I started taking adult classes about two years ago. Martial arts have been amazing for my kids when it comes to agility, focus, and discipline, but for me, it’s the longest-running workout program I’ve ever done since adulthood. Our studio has almost-seamlessly moved all of our classes to Zoom. They’re adapting and changing the curriculum to work with the tools and space that we all have at home and it’s been so nice to be able to keep that evening routine in our family. Between my boys and me, we’re doing 4-5 classes each week. They keep my stress and anxiety manageable and are a welcome bit of near-normalcy.

· Virtual Yoga - My gym closed in mid March where I happily enjoyed spin classes, yoga, and lap swimming. I really miss the swimming and spin, but they’ve created yoga classes I can do at home, any time I want. I’m so, so thankful for them.

· FaceTime, Zoom, and Google Hangout - We sang happy birthday to my niece via Zoom when she turned three and we couldn’t be there for a birthday party. We received multiple videos from family and friends when my youngest celebrated his 6th birthday at home. My oldest read a book to his cousins via FaceTime (and will do it again). My kids chat with friends on Google Hangout or Zoom while they build things in Minecraft together. My husband did a Zoom call with our cousins to share how we make mac n cheese. We regularly FaceTime with my sister, brothers, or my parents and eat dinner together. We chat with cousins who live in other states and countries and this pandemic has brought us closer. My kids’ teachers are using Google Hangout to teach lessons, administer tests (my 6yo went up a reading level, yesss!), and spend time with their students.

· Outdoor Spaces - Since the stay-at-home recommendations came from our governor, all city parks, splash pads, skate parks, and bike parks have closed. There is even caution tape wrapped around pavilions that shade picnic tables. We aren’t technically banned from leaving our neighborhood to explore outside, we’re just advised to maintain social distancing. So a couple of times each week we head out to find some wilderness to play in. We’ve driven past quite a few trailheads and parks to see nearly-full parking lots and just kept on driving. Sometimes we end up at our local fishing pond, where we’ve barely seen anyone there, or we drive an hour or more to a more remote spot to enjoy a picnic lunch, some hammock snuggles, and maybe some fishing if there’s a pond or stream. Even some sand to dig in or trees to climb can be enough to keep my boys happy. In these unique times I am SO thankful for where I live.

· My Mother in Law - My MIL was visiting us from California when shit got serious there and shelter-in-place orders were put in place throughout most of the state. She tried to fly home early on and missed her flight. Since then, we just convinced her to stay here. Our house is small (feeling smaller than ever right now), but she has her own bedroom and bathroom. Best of all, she’s cooking up a storm for us and making both my life and my husband’s life easier because of it. She’s enjoying trying new recipes and experimenting with new methods. Knowing that she’s taking care of dinner helps me not stress about having enough time to get my own work done AND be there to help my kids with virtual school. Her presence also lets me leave the house while my husband is at work and take a little alone time when I need it.

· Hammocks - Just because.

What are you thankful for during this tough time? Any positive things coming from it?

Watercolor, Public Lands, and a YouTube Channel

We’re spending a LOT of time at home these days, so of course my desire to be out hiking in our canyons and in the desert is strong! We are on Spring Break this week and our schools have been closed for three weeks already. With our Spring Break travel plans to California canceled because of the Covid-19 virus, I had this inkling of hope that maybe we could escape to the desert instead. Nope! I read a plea from the director of the hospital in Moab and his explanation of how small his hospital is and how it’s not prepared to handle a pandemic AND the number of annual tourists who flock to the area every spring. I understood completely and was not willing to put the small communities in southern Utah at risk of the virus coming with me. Our annual trip to Arches was canceled and spending Spring Break on BLM land outside of Hurricane was done.

Instead, I’m living vicariously through painting. A few months ago I created a painting of Babylon Arch for Shanti and her Hiking My Way Retreats. I loved how it turned out so I decided to think about all of the beautiful landmarks that reside on BLM/public lands and do a series of paintings of them. Maybe I’ll turn them all into stickers one day, I haven’t gone that far yet. Maybe I can donate proceeds to a nonprofit that fights to protect our glorious public lands?

I will eventually do another painting of Babylon Arch (because it’s awesome and so is the surrounding area), but for now I have Fisher Towers, which is outside of Moab, UT:

A little waterfall on the Red Reef Trail in the Red Cliffs National Conservation Area in southwestern Utah:

Both areas are absolutely beautiful to explore. I plan to do another painting from the Red Reef Trail too.

One of my impulse purchases amid this Covid-19 business was a phone holder and light that lets me record time lapse videos of my painting. I learned the very basics of iMovie and, after some coaxing from my 10yo, I started a YouTube channel. Give my channel a visit and maybe a Like here and there.

Alex Tebow Designs

So far I only have a few videos up there, including a video on how I make Bolognese Lasagne, but I plan to add more in the following weeks.

I’m hoping to get more paintings going, especially since Utah is acting like its normal self in the spring and going back and forth between glorious sunshine and gusting wind and rain; maybe even a little snow.

What are some landmarks on public lands that you think I should do next??

My Birth Center Experience

Even before I became pregnant with my second baby, I knew I wanted to go a different route when it came to my prenatal care and birth support team. While my experience with my OB and a hospital in 2009 wasn't awful, I felt I got very lucky with supportive nurses when it came to wanting a drug and intervention-free hospital birth for my first son. 

Disclaimer: I FULLY understand that there are many aspects to childbirth that are outside of my control, but I am also educated in how the U.S. healthcare system notoriously treats pregnant individuals. I am fully aware of my privilege in that that I had more options when it came to my prenatal team that many in this country. I also fully understand that a birth plan is just that: a plan… not set in stone. Just guidelines on my wishes assuming my body and my baby cooperated.

Prenatal care with my OB was fairly typical for the U.S. maternity system. I often waited thirty minutes to an hour after my scheduled appointment time before seeing my OB for a rushed visit. My weight and blood pressure were scrutinized by a nurse and I had only five to ten minutes with my OB each appointment. She never talked to me about nutrition or exercise, and she relied on me to ask questions to spark any conversations about what she recommended. Thankfully, as I became more and more educated, I came to each appointment prepared with questions, but I often felt like my asking questions was an inconvenience for her.

Also, there were five OBs in the practice. I met with all of them at least one time throughout the course of my pregnancy and learned that only three of them were actually going to be supportive of my leave-me-alone-to-labor-without-intervention birth plans. 

I distinctly remember the prenatal visit when I was 34 weeks and we presented our birth plan to my OB (the one I saw most often). My husband joked that it felt like we were watching a teacher grade a test in front of us. :::eye roll::::

She pushed back on a few of the items on our birth plan, but we were prepared for some resistance; especially on me moving freely throughout labor, eating and drinking to maintain my blood sugar and hydration, and preferring intermittent fetal monitoring vs continuous monitoring. We compromised on a few things and I verbally agreed to a couple of things I had no intention of actually following through with.

Some of the things she said about my birth plan should have been red flags: 

"I won't let you suffer in agony for hours without pain medication"

“After your water breaks, I don't want you walking around in case the umbilical cord tries to come out first." 

When I stated I would prefer to tear than to receive an episiotomy she said, "Well, I'm going to cut your perineum if I think you're about to tear up top, by your urethra." Despite those comments, I was naively confident that we would be fine. That OB was on vacation when I went into labor anyway.

The nurses at the hospital were WAY more supportive and never once asked me if I wanted pain meds. They actually took the time to read my birth plan, dimmed the lights, brought me some cranberry juice, and pretty much left my husband and me alone to do our slow-dancing-labor thing. Immediate skin-to-skin bonding for mama and baby was standard practice too. 

When we moved to Utah a few years later and were trying for baby #2, I was afraid we wouldn't get as lucky the second time around. Not wanting to have to interview OBs and research hospitals, or potentially have to find a new OB midway through my pregnancy, I searched for freestanding birth centers in the area. Luckily there was one just twenty minutes from us and that's where our second son, M was born.

It was a completely different experience with my second pregnancy. I have listed some of the biggest and most noticeable differences.

Prenatal Care:

- At my first appointment I sat and chatted with the midwife for almost two hours going over my history; both of us asking questions and getting to know each other. She wanted to know about my pregnancy and birth with TJ and I wanted to know what the criteria would be if complications came up and I "risked out" and had to transfer to an OB. She answered all of my questions thoroughly and never made me feel like she was in a hurry to get to the next patient.

- I turned 35 a few weeks before my first prenatal visit. My midwife noticed and made a point to tell me that I wasn't automatically "high risk" just because I was 35.

- I was due for a pap smear around then too. Given that I'd never had an abnormal pap, my midwife shrugged and said we could wait and do it at my 6-week postpartum visit. My OB insisted I get one when I was 9 weeks pregnant with my first son and it was not pleasant.

- There are toys in the main meeting room at the birth center and there are also a few toys in a drawer of all the exam rooms to keep little ones occupied. When TJ had a random question, my midwife answered him with complete seriousness and even gave the stuffed dog an exam once too. Toward the end of my pregnancy, it was standard procedure for him to get the doppler and measuring tape out of the drawer for her. Once, she even showed him how to find his little brother's heartbeat with a fetoscope. 

- At every appointment, I weighed myself, checked my own blood pressure, and I did my own urine test. It became routine that my son helped me into the blood pressure cuff and pushed the button to start the machine. It made him feel like a part of the process and I liked getting to do all of this on my own. When it was time to test for Group B Strep, I did the swab myself too.

- All blood draws were done by the midwife. I never had to go to a separate lab. With my first pregnancy, the lab was down the street from the OB's office and I always had to wait at least thirty minutes before I was seen, even the few times I had an appointment. I can't imagine having to do that with my antsy preschooler with me. 

- For my glucose test I didn't have to drink the icky, syrupy drink if I didn't want to. I had a list of options that included an Odwalla mango smoothie or a choice of candy bars. Win!

- Nutrition was discussed a lot. The midwives at my birth center truly believe that good nutrition can help stave off a lot of common pregnancy complications. Taking probiotics was also recommended to me to prevent developing a UTI; a pregnancy complication I had during my first pregnancy that landed me in the hospital. I really believe they worked. I never even caught a cold with my second pregnancy, despite it being cold and flu season AND my oldest starting preschool!

- Prenatal visits were thorough and never, ever rushed. Even when I didn't have any questions to ask and the exam went quickly, my appointments still lasted well over an hour with me chatting about a random aspect of pregnancy or childbirth with my midwife.

Labor and Delivery:

- The birthing room at the birth center didn't look or feel anything like a hospital room even though I know hospital-like equipment was hiding behind cabinet doors if it was needed. The room had a regular bed, an awesome bathroom with a walk-in shower, and a fantastic, big bathtub. I know they had a birthing chair, a hammock to hang from and probably more fun labor-assisting contraptions. The room looked more like a hotel suite than a birthing room. A little part of me wishes my labor was longer so I could have used more of the room.

- While in labor I could wear whatever I wanted. I could walk around and do pretty much whatever felt most comfortable to me. I could be in whatever position I wanted when it was time to push. I only had one cervical exam, and it was done gently and with my consent. I was free to eat and drink as I pleased. My older son was welcome to be present and participate as much as he was comfortable with so long as we had another adult there to supervise him if needed. 

- After my baby was born, I didn't have to stay for a mandatory 24-48 hours like I did in the hospital. If I didn't have some postpartum complications, we would have been home within a few hours after birth ready to snuggle with our newborn in our own bed. 

Postpartum Care:

· My midwife was prepared for the postpartum hemorrhage I had. A saline IV was started and I was given a couple of drugs to help my uterus stop bleeding. When they weren't working, an ambulance was called and we transferred to the hospital. All of this was done before it became a scary emergency. My midwife came with us to the hospital and stayed well into the morning; even though she didn't have privileges there. She was constantly talking to me, answering my questions, and making sure I understood what was going on and that my mind was at ease.

· My midwife noticed my son had a tongue tie and an upper lip tie within an hour of his birth. She clipped them both the next day and he went on to be a champion nursling with almost zero breastfeeding issues. I learned a lot about tongue ties from her and we discovered that both my older son and I had tongue ties that were never diagnosed. My heart ached a little bit thinking back to how incredibly painful nursing was for me in the early newborn weeks with my oldest.

· I saw my midwife two days postpartum for our first checkup. She did my son's newborn screening and hearing test along with a thorough follow-up for me. We saw her again one week and then two weeks postpartum for more follow-up to make sure that breastfeeding was going well and M's jaundice was under control (it wasn't, long story). In between appointments, she called me to check in and ask how things were going. 

· If I had needed it, a home visit with an IBCLC was included in my care. With my first pregnancy, they did the newborn stuff in the hospital and then I didn't see my OB again until six weeks postpartum. She had no idea about our breastfeeding struggles or TJ's jaundice and she probably didn't care. Newborn stuff was for the pediatrician and breastfeeding issues were for a lactation consultant or the pediatrician. Our pediatrician back then never asked how breastfeeding was going either, he only cared that my baby was gaining weight. At my birth center this time, all of it was under my midwife's scope of care and she strived to make sure BOTH of us were doing well.

· At my six-week postpartum check, Eva (birth assistant & office manager) was happy to snuggle with my baby while I had my exam with the midwife. With my OB, my husband had to take a morning off work to come to the appointment with me so he could hold our son while I was examined.

In conclusion, my experience with a midwife at a birth center compared to a hospital with an OB was so vastly different that I will never go back to an OB and a hospital if I have any more babies so long as my pregnancies remain low risk. 

Not all women experience their prenatal care the same way I did. I know there are some truly respectful and supportive obstetricians out there. And I'm sure there are some not-so-nice midwives too. 

I have learned that the whole attitude of midwifery care is much more to my liking. Midwives tend to treat pregnancies as low risk and normal unless something changes, and they do their best to teach preventative care to mamas to help keep them that way. Most obstetricians don't see pregnancy and childbirth the same way. They tend to see all pregnancies as high risk until proven otherwise.

The second time around, I truly felt cared for and that the health of my baby and myself were the most important things… not what was hospital policy, not the convenience of a doctor, not the wishes of an insurance company. It made my birth experience even more empowering to know this. 

Even when I had to transfer to the hospital shortly after my son's birth, my midwife stayed with us and was there to answer my many, many questions. They know and understand the value of psychological healing when things don't go as planned. I can't recommend these wonderful midwives enough!